Sexting - have you heard of it?

I read this commentary on Teen Checkup, and I thought, "thank goodness my child is still a baby." Really, God help me when it's time for me to make decisions such as whether or not my child will be allowed a cell phone. It's not boding well for him.

According to the commentator, young people, especially those in middle school, are engaging in a behavior called "sexting." Sexting occurs when kids (or anyone, for that matter) take naked pictures of themselves and then send the picture to others (who then forward the picture to an unimaginable number of people). Did your mouth just drop to the floor? Because mine did the first time I read this.

And I like to think that I am not naive. In fact, I have received naked pictures through spam or immature friends via text message. But never did it occur to me that young people would take pictures of their own body to be flashed across the digital world - for what, fun?

As if the natural consequences of this behavior are not enough, sexting is actually child pornography. Under federal law, child pornography is a criminal act, and is defined as a visual depiction of any kind, including a drawing, cartoon, sculpture, painting, photograph, film, video, or computer-generated image or picture, where it depicts a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct and is obscene. 

For instance, a 15-year-old Ohio girl is facing felony charges and may have to register as a sex offender after allegedly sending naked pictures of herself from her cell phone. What might have seemed like a funny game is actually a criminal offense.

The commentator concludes, "some people may argue that sexting is harmless and, perhaps, a form of safe sex. I would agree if 18-year-olds were doing it."

Excuse me, but even as an adult, I do not find sexting harmless. I find it disgusting, offensive, and troubling. And if any man text me a picture of himself in the buff, you better believe I would file a harassment charge.

If you have a teenager who has a cell phone, please talk with them. It is the parent's job to know what information and communication children are receiving from all media and digital outlets.

There are many benefits to allowing your child to have a cell phone (sorry, I don't discuss many of them here), but that doesn't mean your child should be allowed phone privileges carte blanche. 

Let me know your thoughts on sexting and how you intend on working with your teen to prevent them from ever being involved in such behaviors.

Planned Parenthood: Not Recommended.

Abortion has and always will be a hot topic surrounded by an enormous amount of debate, and I am extremely hesitant as I consider leaving this post knowing that the word alone is enough to fire people up. But I have a thing or two to say regarding this issue, so at the risk of stirring the pot, here I go.

The abortion debate is making headlines in my state of Ohio as the Ohio Supreme Court is called to determine whether or not Planned Parenthood systematically ignored evidence of abuse against girls who visited Planned Parenthood's 37 Ohio clinics for abortions. These allegations stem from a 2004 case when "a 14-year-old girl showed up at a Cincinnati abortion clinic accompanied by a 21-year-old who was not her relative." The 14-year-old went to a Planned Parenthood clinic with her 21-year-old soccer coach who had impregnated her. The girl identified him as her step-brother, and she gave the clinic her coach's number saying it was her father's. The coach used his credit card to pay for the abortion. The coach was later convicted of seven counts of sexual battery.
The fact that Planned Parenthood fell for the ruse suggests that its staff and doctors are willing to overlook evidence of abuse. Planned Parenthood approved the child for the abortion overlooking several red flags that should have caused them to suspect statutory rape.

I'm not going to further discuss this issue because it disgusts me to no end. But the story did spark a desire in me to better understand the parent consent laws in my state (they vary from state to state).

In the State of Ohio, a minor must receive parental consent in order to receive an abortion. It's very hard for me to believe that this consent can be given over the phone, but as in the case cited above, it happens - wow. 

While researching this issue, I came across a resource developed by Planned Parenthood for teens: teenwire.com. I really want to support a resource that offers teens sex education because I believe that talking with our kids about sex is important. But Planned Parenthood's site rubs me the wrong way. They throw out phrases such as, "the best way to protect yourself is to get a prescription from a health center or private health care provider before an accident happens," and "most women, in the long-term, experience feelings of relief after they have an abortion." Um, excuse me? The best way to protect yourself is called ABSTINENCE. Who are these yahoos? I'm not a proponent of abstinence-only education, but let's get real here, it is the only surefire way to avoid STD's and pregnancy. Geesh. And what about this "relief after an abortion" b.s.? Sure, I imagine that there is an element of relief that many women experience, but the women that I know who have had an abortion struggle continuously with that decision. And by continuously, I mean they have struggled for YEARS.

I wish that I could support Planned Parenthood's efforts, but I'm so disappointed by their pro-abortion and pro-sex philosophies. Sure, they can argue that they present facts and education, but anyone who has a brain can see that what they present is hardly unbiased. 

I want to believe that Planned Parenthood offers young women with everything that they need during such a difficult time: facts, counseling, prayer, resources, love, support, truth. But sadly, my research leads me to believe that they don't. 

Too Much Information? Much Disappointment.

The August 2008 issue of Parents magazine features an article titled "Too Much Information." Tamekia Reece, the author, offers parents strategies for helping their child(ren) to understand the concepts of privacy and disclosure. 

Reece's article focuses on teaching children how to understand what is appropriate to share with others and what is not. For instance, how do we inform our children that it's okay to tell people what we ate for dinner last night, but we would rather that they not disclose daddy's time spent in the bathroom following that dinner? Unfortunately, Reece's article completely fails to recognize that teaching children the importance of privacy might come back to haunt them.

The terrible reality is that children are hurt everyday by a person whom they know and trust. According to Darkness to Light, an organization aimed at diminishing the incidence and impact of child sexual abuse, 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18, and 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. AND ONLY 10% OF THE ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS. That means that 90% of those children are abused by someone whom they know! That is shocking.

Because of this disturbing information, Reece's article disappointed me greatly. For her article, she quotes several child-development professionals, suggesting that parents explain to their children that "private is something just for [the] family to know." The article even encourages parents to teach children the difference between good and bad secrets, explaining that it's okay to keep Grandma's birthday present a secret but it's wrong not to tell mom about a marker stain on the carpet.

What about when a family friend touches a child inappropriately and tells that child "it's our little secret?" How do we explain to our children that there are different kinds of secrets, those that only the family share, those shared amongst girlfriends on the playground, and then those relating to something as terrible as sexual abuse? 

Jim Hopper, a Harvard psychologist, notes that "in the case of sexual abuse, secrecy and intense feelings of shame may prevent children from seeking help."

This is not a warm and fuzzy topic, but it is a necessary one for us to address. I have worked in several schools serving a range of students, and I have yet to work in a school where we did not have to contact child protective services to report a case of sexual abuse. 

Reece's article offers a couple of fine strategies for helping our children to decipher when it's okay to blab and when we should just keep our mouth shut, but her suggestions merely add up to the common phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all." 

Unfortunately the article baffles me with statements such as "secrets help your child build self-control." Shame on Parents magazine! There is nothing positive about keeping secrets when it might mean that a child hides the truth about being harmed. 

I suggest that we don't teach our children about secrets. I would avoid the word "secret" at all costs. Instead, let's focus on having a conversation with our children about 'good touch' versus 'bad touch' and what to do if someone, anyone, makes us feel uncomfortable. I would much rather that my 4-year-old humiliate me by saying something uncouth in front of a crowd than my 4-year-old fail to tell me the truth about a detrimental situation because he was instructed to never tell secrets.

If you are a parent, I urge you, don't fret about teaching your young ones about secret keeping. As your child matures and follows your positive example, he/she will eventually learn to use judgement in public. Instead, spend time teaching your children what they can do if anyone ever makes them feel uncomfortable. Let's make sure that our children are not afraid to seek help if they are in danger. Instead, maybe the perpetrators will be afraid to cause harm because they know that our young ones aren't afraid to tell the truth.